Random Sagittarian Bluntness: The Friend Code—A Non-negotiable Treaty and Not a Polite Suggestion

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An excerpt from the upcoming book: The Lady Player’s Manual: How to Win at Love and Life.

To be a true Lady Player, you must adhere to the Friend Code—that oft unspoken standard that binds best friendships for life and sifts out the posers in your circle. Lady Players know that the Friend Code is non-negotiable. It is not up for discussion because it is what it is—no ifs, ands or buts.

To know if you are on your way to being a true Lady Player take note of the following:

  • Lady Players do not steal, date, shamelessly flirt or cheat with their friends’ significant others—past or present. Not even if a current relationship breaks up do they hang out beneath a friend’s table waiting for the scraps to fall—No matter how the delicious the dinner seems to be.  A Lady Player has enough faith in her qualities to attract her own relationship and doesn’t need to go to desperate lengths to have it. A Lady Player also has enough faith in her abilities to be single and mingle, or be single without mingling for as long as she cares to do so. But when it comes to dating a friend’s current or ex significant other, a Lady Player has enough respect for herself and is cool enough to steer clear.


  • Lady Players know that if one in her sisterhood calls her at 4am there is a good reason for it. Now I am not talking about someone calling you all the time to put out the fires of the dramas they strike the matches for.  True Lady Players in the circle handle their business and know that the 4am call is akin to dialing 911. This circle jumps into action when it is warranted and lets nothing get in the way of being there for their friends when they really need them.  The Lady Player’s Club is a close knit bunch that understands that when one of their own calls or drops by the house without a bottle of wine and tears in her eyes, it’s for good reason. And typically this reason will involve planning, coffee, tissues, calling in reinforcements and an impromptu road trip.

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  • Lady Players tell each other the truth in a tactfully blunt manner. Note the word TACTFULLY. This means brutal honesty wrapped in a chenille throw. And Lady Players know that they don’t have to dance around fragile egos before getting to the point. The friend on the receiving end is used to this kind of advice and does not even think about being offended because they know the friend giving the advice is speaking from her heart and cares about the best interest of their friend. This is why these tight circles last years. These are women you know understand your crazy, hold your secrets close to their hearts, and will go down fighting with you if need be. These are the women who will tell you if your significant other is an ass or if they are truly Prince Charming for all of the RIGHT reasons. These are the women you trust with your kids, your pets, family and to be in the same room with the one you love. This kind of integrity is hard to find but when you do, you keep it and keep it close.


  • Lady Players ride or die. They are ready at a moments notice to be with you via phone or in person when you need them. All of the Lady Players in my circle have been involved in an argument with me that ended with tears and hugging. And this was how I knew they were down for me. In the midst of whatever we were fighting about, that wasn’t important in hindsight, we realized that the love and concern we had for each other was more important than being right. Because of these moments, we knew that we had a solid friendship that would last for years. True Lady Players will hold your hand during difficult procedures, be there when someone close to you passes away, hold you up to the light during breakups, celebrate births and birthdays, dance with you at weddings and eat ice cream with you at 2am and not utter a single word about fat or calories. Most importantly, this sisterhood travels together and comes home together. This had to have been the single most important reason I made it through my college days. This means that your girls will not abandon you at a club when you are tipsy and dancing like a drunk giraffe because you just got the phone number of the cute person in the room. They will be happy for you but don’t think you are going to leave with said person and be separated from the pack—That is not going to happen.


  • RULE NUMBER ONE of this ride or die piece of the Friend Code is that no one gets left behind. This sisterhood has no problem dragging you out of the club cussing and screaming because they know that by morning you will be alive and unharmed. And they have no problem building a human wall around you and anyone who thinks that they have other designs on the course of the evening. They will also stand tall for other sisters not in the circle, who may be exercising poor judgment and are one drink away from becoming a Jane Doe. Lady Players understand strength in numbers and do not deviate from this piece of the code, ever.


  • Lady Players understand that the ride or die philosophy also attaches itself to any offspring that are in the vicinity—yours or anyone else’s. Lady Players stand tall for children, the elderly and animals. They are the true champions of underdogs everywhere and don’t flinch when it comes to doing the right thing in all situations.


  • The Friend Code is set in stone and is not up for discussion. Membership in the Lady Player’s Club inner circle requires trust that is typically formed during the first year or two of association. My club members are women who I have known for a minimum of five years or more—but that membership changes when a diamond of a woman comes along with her values, principles and integrity intact. The main requirement to be in the inner circle is possessing the ability to weather tough seasons and to remain unflinchingly loyal to the core.


  • Lady Players don’t fight over the Friend Code. This is why these friendships outlast separation, relocation and aggravation. They don’t court gossip because they understand that small talk comes from small minds. They don’t answer provocation in the streets unless it is absolutely necessary, since their issues are not for everyone’s entertainment and displays like these cheapen their value. If you don’t understand and follow the Friend Code, you will be dismissed. And the only sign of that will be a cold breeze blowing around you where there used to be a united front keeping you warm.


The Friend Code is real and Lady Players stay true to it always–no matter what. You cannot be all about yourself and expect to be in this club. And you cannot expect to play both sides without consequences. Lady Players play it straight and swiftly deal with threats to the stability of the Sisterhood. There is too much at stake in this world to contend with anyone bent on double dealing and selfish motives.



Image Credit: Angie Ayala and Unsplash/Pixabay

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3 thoughts to “Random Sagittarian Bluntness: The Friend Code—A Non-negotiable Treaty and Not a Polite Suggestion”

  1. Fabulous excerpt! You hit the nail on the head – Love and loyalty really are synonymous:-)

  2. This promises to be a great read! I love seeing women in tight, loyal community instead of fighting and destroying each other. I only wish that more women were like ‘Lady Players’!

  3. Right on Trina! Be true to yourself and your friends. Protection, love and solidarity. This one’s a great guide post for anyone needing to learn how to be a “Lady Player.” Love your stories, keep writing!!

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