I have taught people over the years, that my sacrifice for them meant more to me than sacrificing anything for myself. In all of my interpersonal relationships, there had been this common theme–this way I have given without leaving one drop for me–that my success wasn’t as important as another’s success. It didn’t matter that they didn’t fight for the relationship or friendship–my heart was in it 100% and I would work to make things right no matter what! Because “that’s what friends and loved ones were supposed to do!”
Well, I had an epiphany–partially due to the selflessness of a friend I was so blessed to meet up with–who reminded me of the girl I used to be–who helped me remember the girl who felt she could do anything. A girl who laughed so easily–a girl who would face her fears with the courage of a Queen.
I realized through the selflessness of the actions of my dear friend, how much selfishness in my life I was allowing to exist, simply by acting as if that was how true friendships were supposed to be. I realized how the beautiful moments of my life should’ve been overflowing and not choked off by some feeling deep within myself that I didn’t deserve them–that I didn’t deserve success, love, or friendship. I was teetering on the edge of life being alright, crappy, or pretty freaking awesome and I had finally realized that I had been cheer leading for teams that refused to even suit up for me.
It was the realization–the epiphany–that I needed to be so much better to myself. That I should take the gifts and opportunities that I had in my hands and let them multiply. Moving from a place of stagnation, to finally step into the blessings that were meant for me. To work just as hard for myself as I have for others. To finally realize that I needed to quit throwing life preservers out for people who did not care that I was in the same frigid, choppy waters. I was willing to hand them my life jacket while I clung to life and flailed frantically in the deep.
My heart feels much lighter now and I can see a path ahead–shown to me by people who truly care. Success has been waiting for me to say, I am just as worthy as anyone else to have the life I’ve dreamed about.
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