Random Sagittarian Bluntness: Not an Option

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I was thinking about this phrase;
Don’t Make People a Priority
who Only Make You an Option.
And I was also thinking about how defensive that tends to sound. But I had to have a talk with myself when I finally realized how I was relegating myself to the clearance rack.
For too long, I treated myself as an option–making other people a priority. It wasn’t that “they” were being mean to me…it was because I was being dismissive of myself–thinking that being in the spotlight meant that I was selfish. So I would give the entire focus over to someone else, their life, their needs, and whatever they felt was important. Ending up disappointed when the same focus wasn’t given to me, because I felt that reciprocation was how it was supposed to work.

I have taught people over the years, that my sacrifice for them meant more to me than sacrificing anything for myself. In all of my interpersonal relationships, there had been this common theme–this way I have given without leaving one drop for me–that my success wasn’t as important as another’s success. It didn’t matter that they didn’t fight for the relationship or friendship–my heart was in it 100% and I would work to make things right no matter what! Because “that’s what friends and loved ones were supposed to do!”

 

Well, I had an epiphany–partially due to the selflessness of a friend I was so blessed to meet up with–who reminded me of the girl I used to be–who helped me remember the girl who felt she could do anything. A girl who laughed so easily–a girl who would face her fears with the courage of a Queen.

 

I realized through the selflessness of the actions of my dear friend, how much selfishness in my life I was allowing to exist, simply by acting as if that was how true friendships were supposed to be. I realized how the beautiful moments of my life should’ve been overflowing and not choked off by some feeling deep within myself that I didn’t deserve them–that I didn’t deserve success, love, or friendship. I was teetering on the edge of life being alright, crappy, or pretty freaking awesome and I had finally realized that I had been cheer leading for teams that refused to even suit up for me.

 

It was the realization–the epiphany–that I needed to be so much better to myself. That I should take the gifts and opportunities that I had in my hands and let them multiply. Moving from a place of stagnation, to finally step into the blessings that were meant for me. To work just as hard for myself as I have for others. To finally realize that I needed to quit throwing life preservers out for people who did not care that I was in the same frigid, choppy waters. I was willing to hand them my life jacket while I clung to life and flailed frantically in the deep.

 

My heart feels much lighter now and I can see a path ahead–shown to me by people who truly care. Success has been waiting for me to say, I am just as worthy as anyone else to have the life I’ve dreamed about.

 

 It doesn’t serve anyone, if I refuse to shine–if I refuse to step into the spotlight. I showed people how to treat me. It was not their fault, but was mine. It was my fault every time, in the interests of keeping some strange peace. I was actually willing to lay my life down for people who showed me time after time, that I was not important to them. My importance to them, hinged securely upon what purpose I could serve to further their lives. I honestly was more concerned with the comfort of others than my own sanity and voice–which is not why any of us are here.
Discovering the beauty of saying no, and learning to say yes to myself without guilt has transformed me. Seeing situations for what they truly are, may bring pain, but it is temporary. Once you draw the finish line, you have created a boundary. Your life isn’t a revolving door. It isn’t this space where people can stomp about in their emotionally muddy boots, and expect you to clear up the messes.
You are not here to be a footnote to someone else’s novel. The gifts you have are not a supplement. The pen is this life you have been given. In conclusion, when you finally sit down to write the real story–you know the one–where you are meant to be the main character, this time make the happily ever after, yours.

 

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Image Credit: Haeruman/Pixabay


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One thought to “Random Sagittarian Bluntness: Not an Option”

  1. Awesome Trina! This is a story that undoubtedly many of us have written in our own lives. How wonderful it is to look back at that chapter with relief and gratitude. For those who are still surrendering their joy, I pray this story will open their eyes to the abundant life they were meant to live.

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