An excerpt from the upcoming book, The Lady Player’s Manual, How to Win at Love and Life, by Trina Noelle.
How in the world do you expect to create a partnership with someone if you don’t know down to your core who you are as an individual? You must understand this very important point. Being unique is far better than being a bad copy of someone else. This includes your friends, celebrities, family, etc. In a world that celebrates sameness, it is only the individualistic types that become legends. Think about anyone who has made a significant mark on the world. There is no one like them. So all of this time you have been trying to recreate a certain look that belongs to someone else, you have been doing yourself a great disservice.
An example that I can give from my perception—growing up in the 90’s—was the sitcom, Friends. How many women rushed to their stylists with pictures of Jennifer Aniston’s character, Rachel, and got the Rachel cut? Probably millions of women did this. I didn’t because one, I liked Phoebe’s character the best and two, I had my own look at the time that I was quite comfortable with. But no matter how horrid or beautiful the cut looked on someone, every time you spotted it, it wasn’t original to anyone else but “Rachel”.
Women do this every day. We find something that we think is better or prettier than who we are now and change it. We get mad when our significant others don’t compliment it or notice that we did it, and then plot our next style change that will surely be the one that makes heads turn. What we don’t realize, is that a true stylist and friend in that salon, will keep you looking fresh, but highlight your individuality—and will not cut you like a paper doll out of some other fad fantasy—especially if it will not suit you. So, first things first, know who you are and what you like.
Second, make a list and go back as far as you can. Include books or music you like, the decade you felt most fabulous, what colors you love and how they make you feel, what clothing you love that makes you feel a certain way and how you like to feel on a daily basis. If you like comfort, there is a way to look good in your dress-downs, if you are neat, clean and things fit right. I cannot tell you how many pictures I see of women, who are so classically beautiful but ruin their look by wearing ill-fitting and too revealing clothes. Or they wear way too much makeup. Understand that you must strip down to your most basic and love who you are from there to get to where you ultimately shine like a diamond—no matter what you wear, what body you have been blessed with, what day of the week it is or where you are going.
Know who you are. Because being an individual is striking—it catches the eye in a way that makes people wonder what it is exactly about you that makes them so enamored of you. I have so many female friends that may not walk the catwalk, but they know who they are and what they like, and every one of them is so unique—like pictures in an art gallery. And it isn’t the brand of makeup they wear, or a certain style they have chosen. It is their individuality. They know what they like and embrace it. They are all as different as the seasons, but two things they do often—they smile a lot, which is your best accessory, and are very definite in who they are as people. They are not preoccupied with what others say they should like because they are women. They are some of my best assets in life, and I thank the stars for them.
So take a sheet of paper and list all of the things that you love and things that make you who you are to the core. Remember all of those times that you felt on top of the world and why. This list is for you to keep and remember. Remember these things when people say they are not trendy and definitely remember these things when people are flocking to the biggest fads. Fads come and go, real cool is timeless and forever and it is a state of mind. Think of all of the fads that are no longer in fashion. That’s a lot of things in the landfill or recycled for costume parties. You are not a fad. You are an individual. There is NO ONE like you, so play it up–it is your best cosmetic.