Through the years I have learned quite a bit about value. And most of it I learned through trial and error, friendships, relationships, marriage and divorce.
The one thing that I had to realize, is that a situation may make you feel less than, but the value you place on yourself is the deciding factor.
We’ve all been there–a moment of being ignored or noticeably treated differently than what has been. Maybe a friend treated you differently when they were around other people, or excluded you from a gathering, night out, or event. Maybe a significant other treated you differently around work colleagues or friends or family and that unmistakable twist of the stomach or lump in the throat signaled to you, the change.
The question here is what do you do about it? Do you isolate yourself, argue or demand better treatment? While these are things I have done in the past, I have learned a new way of handling these kinds of bumps in the road. Realize your own value. It is said that no one can devalue you, if you don’t devalue yourself.
Feel the honest feelings and then realize what it is you can do to make yourself feel better about it. What do you do? What do you love? What do you know? Who are you? If you cannot answer these questions, you have been handing the pen to others to write your story, to show you your worth, your beauty, your skill. They will never get the story of you, just so, so put the pen back in your hands and write what you want.
What you will find, after spending time with yourself, is that the validation of others, while nice, is not necessary to your happiness. You will not allow other imperfect people the space to act beneath that which you are willing to tolerate. A spine grows where only a bent attitude once lived.
You will no longer find room to lash out or seek revenge, because drama does not interest you. You seek out experiences that resonate with the value you place on yourself and your time. Experiences and people are drawn to the vibration of the value of you. And all will be right within your world. Be very clear about what treatment you will accept, and what you absolutely will not. Fear not the loss of friends and loves, because true blue people will show themselves and respect you for your ability to not waver when it comes to your principles.
Will you get it right all of the time? No. But where I am and where I used to be is a divide that grows wider with each bridge I cross and is a work in progress. I am learning every day to make decisions that honor myself and treat my value as something worth treasuring. As my cousin Glenn once said, it is not being conceited it is being convinced.
To be at peace with who you are means that comparisons are not needed. You are enough. Your imperfect self is perfect in its own expression as long as you can look in the mirror at the end of the day and say, I did my best. That is a beauty that surpasses any physical feat of what is seen on the face and body. It is what is in the heart. Your heart is the true judge and jury of your worth.
When you place a high value on yourself, the return is priceless.
Be kind to yourself. You’ve come a long way.
Discussion Question: What are some of the strengths in yourself that you value?